“Where do the hours go?!”
For some stupid reason, I have been asking myself this very question for the past two weeks without bothering to try and answer it.
If I had, I would’ve realized much sooner that between going to my local alcohol services groups in the morning, and AA meetings at night, I only have – at best – four hours to myself at the flat to get shit done. That includes basics like groceries, eating lunch or cooking dinner and household chores. So really it’s more like two hours (because when I cook I tend to go a bit overboard and laundry doesn’t tend to get done until it’s nearly Nudity Day).
Having made the realization that I only have a few hours to myself, I would’ve probably decided against trying to manage three blogs (this one, my real life personal blog, and a passion project launching at the end of March), write two articles, cook overly complex meals and (buy enough groceries to last Mrs. M and I a month in the process, forcing me to cook even more so that the food doesn’t go to waste).
Better late than never I suppose.
I will give myself credit for the following:
- Though this seems like I’m doing a lot of work, I enjoy all of it so it doesn’t feel like work. I may not be getting paid, but if I can end up in a job that feels even half as good as blogging does, I’ll be miles ahead of where I was before my mid-thirties meltdown
- Despite feeling overloaded, I don’t miss meetings. It’s just not an option.
- I’ve actually figure out I’m trying to cram too much into my day instead of carrying on blissfully unaware and having a meltdown because I can’t sustain the frenetic pace.
Arguably, I’d be better off focusing on one thing and sticking to just that. I’m just not sure that I can. My real world blog serves as a portfolio to eventually get back into paid work and can’t be bashed out quickly over time. I’ve committed publicly to launching my passion project at the end of March and people are signing up to be a part of it already (Gulp!) so I can’t back down. And this blog is just a necessary place for me to process what’s going on in my recovery.
The way I’m approaching things right now is hardly working, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make it work: I just need to prioritize how I can best use those two hours in a day.
I can do that.
It might mean that until I’m done with my alcohol services group in a couple weeks’ time I don’t post here all that often. Chances are if you’re reading this we’re friends in real life and you’re not dying to read something new, anyway (if you are a random reader, hello! I’ll pick up the pace shortly. You can always leave a comment begging for more updates, which would bump this blog higher up on the priorities list. Just sayin’).
If I hadn’t jumped on the crazy train to Overload City I may not have had to stop and think about why I’m not getting anything done and come to appreciate that I cannot bend time to my will. So all things considered, things are looking up!
Gotta love silver linings.