(I am posting this from my phone, so if things look weird I blame my fat fingers).
I am an analytical person. In fact, one of my very good friends/part-time lover (it’s a long story) in University once burst out laughing in the middle of what I thought was a very serious conversation:
“Do you realise you are analysing why you analyse things so much?!”, she said.
She was right.
My near-constant state of self-analysis has lead me to buy a lot of self-help books. They tend to fall into three broad categories: how to be happier, how to be richer, and how to be skinnier.
I have had zero luck with any of them.
Part of the problem is that you may have noticed I said I buy a lot of self-help books. The few that I’ve actually read are about how to better invest money I don’t have to maximise wealth I’ll probably never actually achieve.
Maybe I find the possibility of ever being wealthy so beyond my reach that I feel I can safely indulge in the fantasy without having to commit to doing anything to achieve it.
I mean right now, I’ll be happy earning money – even a small amount – on a regular, predictable basis.
The only thing currently standing between me and another meltdown is several unpaid invoices I’m owed and my rapidly-dwindling savings. I get one, maybe two more months tops living off the savings. A third month if I ever see the money I’m owed.
My point is, I have a pretty good collection of self-help books that I’ve already bought, so I might as well start reading them and perhaps even >gasp< put some of the purchased advice into practice.
I bought my collection of self-help books over a roughly ten-year period that culminated in my mid-thirties meltdown. Somewhere along the line, self-help books became the only books I bought (fiction doesn’t appeal to my need for analysis) so I figure my collection is a pretty good indicator of areas of discontent that I need to work on.
In other words, I’m pretty sure if I examine my self-help book collection, I can make sense of where things went horribly wrong, and hopefully put it right again.
Examining what I examine. My friend did have a point.
But old habits die hard and I am still guilty of relying on retail therapy for a quick mood boost (though on a much lesser scale, being unemployed and broke).
Before diving into my collection, I had to know if there was anyone else out there writing about mid-thirties meltdowns or “thrises”, or if I’ve just invented some sort of psychological happening just to make myself feel better.
There is a book: “30-something and over it: What happens when you wake up and don’t want to go to work…ever again” by Kasey Edwards.
I am currently reading (devouring) it because it’s like I’m reading my own story (although replace my 1.5L of vodka with gin, but not enough to need rehab).
My hope is that Kasey wrote this after coming through her “30-something crisis”. Even if she can’t promise me personally that things will be okay, I will feel more okay if I know she now feels more okay.
I guess I’ll have to finish it to find out. I encourage you to join me. Have I just formed a book club? I think maybe I have.
Well this is exciting. I now belong to a book club. And my wife says I don’t have hobbies…
PS: Blogging from a phone sucks.